I am leading Jacquie, my wife of over 25 years. For the first 24 years however, this was not the case. Our marriage has been good, but not as good as it could have been, as good as it’s been this past year. The changes came about as I began to realize that the only way that our relationship was going to survive the next 2 ½ decades was if I took full responsibility for the direction of our union. It was with many years of earnest, heartfelt pleas of my dear Jacquie for me to stop being a passive husband, that I finally took the headship that was my responsibility all along.
I am loving her. Much more importantly than the physical, I love Jacquie by putting her needs above my own, by holding her accountable for her actions and words, and by applying discipline when necessary. She is much happier, balanced and secure these days.
I am learning her. Some would say, “Learning her? You’ve been married 25 years to the same woman. By now you should know all about her.” In some ways, yes, but in just the last year, I’ve found a treasure trove of little things about her, when I began to really study her. And it makes me want to learn more.
This is a work in progress. I do not claim to have arrived. Sometimes I lapse into my passivity because I don’t like confrontations. I handle them better these days, but I still don’t like them. The knowledge that my wife needs me, depends upon me, and is devoted to me, is what fuels the desire for me to keep going forward.