I've passed this way before...

For those of you who have read my wife's latest post about children leaving the nest and April Fool's pranks, I thought I would share a little something that happened very early on in our marriage. I had just entered the military and was a couple of  months into Basic Training when I received a card from Jacquie. Upon removing it from the envelope, the front read, in bold letters, "I'M PREGNANT". Well I went nuts...as in happy. I practically ran around the barracks showing everyone, yelling about becoming a dad. All were congratulatory. After I calmed down, I sat on my bunk and opened the card. Inside it read, "Not really, I just wanted to put a scare into you for Halloween"(it was October).


Guess I shoulda opened the card first....

Ratcheting Up

 I’m a few days late with my weekly blog but I finally got the opportunity to write a few things down from the weekend up to Tuesday.

The weekend, for the most part, was very good. Jacquie and I started Saturday riding the motorcycles to our motorcycle group’s monthly chapter breakfast. Then we took a short ride. We dropped the bikes at home to run some errands. Came home, unloaded the car, and started dinner. The rest of the day we relaxed and went to bed early, because I had volunteered to work Sunday.

Jacquie came along with me to work (I drive a tractor-trailer). We had a great time. I often say that I can hardly believe I get paid to do what I do, especially when Jacquie rides along. After work, we headed home to make dinner.

That’s when Jacquie started to unravel.

I guess it started innocuously enough. We were talking about our progress at getting fit, and she began saying that she felt ugly and fat and not smart and a few other negativities about herself. I was taken aback. Where was this coming from??? Well I decided I did not want to know where; I wanted her to stop.  One of the main things we are striving for in ttwd is for Jacquie to have a better estimation of herself. I tried to get her to not think like that by talking to her, but to no avail. Clearly I had to provide some balance and re-centering. The session wasn’t long, but I employed an element to the spanking that I believe I read somewhere (I’ve read so much these last few months). For each stroke across Jacquie’s posterior, I reminded her…”you are beautiful (WHAP) intelligent (WHAP) strong (WHAP) kind (WHAP)…” and so on. She got the message; at least for the time being.

Monday was average.

Then came Tuesday.

Just a regular workday. Jacquie surprised me by bringing my bike to my job and leaving it in place of my truck so when I got off work I could ride. She met me there on her bike. We then enjoyed the beautiful weather as we took the long way home. When we stopped for fuel, Jacquie dropped a few hints that maybe we could eat at a local pizza place, after we went home to see if our daughter could ride with us. Although the idea of sitting down to a pizza appealed to me at first, I had to discipline myself to not give in to my desire for it, as we are on a weight loss/healthy eating program right now. We are allowed one cheat day on this program…but Tuesday isn’t that day. Also, since I am handling the finances now, I didn’t think spending close to thirty dollars on a whim was a good idea either. When we got home, I had made my decision. We were staying home and making food that would be both healthy and no additional cost. I told Jacquie this and volunteered to help with the prep. Well, I could immediately sense that she was NOT happy with my decision. She kicked off her boots in a mild huff and said, “Well I’d better get started.”

I followed her into the kitchen and asked if there was anything I could help with, to which I received a curt “no”. I think I tried to reason with her at this point, but she was not receptive. The phone rang and it was Jacquie’s sister calling. I talked with her for a few minutes while Jacquie got things together for dinner, then handed the phone to her. She continued to put the meal together as she spoke to her sister. Now I must say here that I was willing at any time to jump in and help, but by then I believe it would not have gone well. I just let her work, as that does seem to soothe her. During her conversation with her sister, I was doodling on my smartphone and came across a satellite photo of our neighborhood on Google Earth. I tried to show Jacquie, but she got snippy, telling her sister that I was “just an eight-year-old boy wanting mommy’s attention”. Whoa. Not cool. I sat down at the kitchen island, not really sure how to respond to that. As the conversation went along, Jacquie was telling her sister what she had gotten done that day. I said, “But she got no writing done”. Jacquie whipped around and screamed, “NO!!!! I got no writing done because I spent four F***ING hours cleaning the kitchen floor that you didn’t even NOTICE!!!” Whooooa Nelly!! Who is this madwoman in my kitchen?? After she calmed down a bit and served dinner she went to the bedroom to talk to her sister some more. 

I finished eating and came into the bedroom before Jacquie hung up the phone. As soon as she did she asked how much trouble was she in. I told her I was going to give her a chance to explain her outburst. She proceeded to tell me how stressed she was and that she had to make my dinner and tomorrow’s breakfast and lunch for me and I didn’t help with any of it and I kept shoving my phone in her face.  I reminded her that she takes care of many different things at the same time on a regular basis and doesn’t get this unraveled, so what’s the problem now? We talked some more, she apologized, then we went for an evening ride to a nearby drive-in restaurant for milkshakes. During the whole trip out, at the restaurant and on the ride back, Jacquie kept apologizing. I could tell she was in turmoil. When we got home, I took her to the bedroom, put her over my knee and spanked her. Just ten strokes and we were done, but those ten strokes helped Jacquie come to terms with her words and actions. I held her in my lap afterward and she cried it out. Back on even keel again.  

Diligence

I plan on posting as my schedule permits, but I'll just jot down some quick thoughts before I head to bed.

I need to keep up on maintenance spankings for Jacquie. I know it balances her and keeps her from overanalyzing things, but I've been lax.

It won't be every day, as I believe praise goes a long way too, but at least two or three spankings weekly will help Jacquie maintain an even keel.

Life will get in the way, I know, but it is important that I follow through however I proceed.

Hi. I’m Dave.

I am leading Jacquie, my wife of over 25 years. For the first 24 years however, this was not the case. Our marriage has been good, but not as good as it could have been, as good as it’s been this past year. The changes came about as I began to realize that the only way that our relationship was going to survive the next 2 ½ decades was if I took full responsibility for the direction of our union. It was with many years of earnest, heartfelt pleas of my dear Jacquie for me to stop being a passive husband, that I finally took the headship that was my responsibility all along.   

I am loving her. Much more importantly than the physical, I love Jacquie by putting her needs above my own, by holding her accountable for her actions and words, and by applying discipline when necessary. She is much happier, balanced and secure these days.

 

I am learning her. Some would say, “Learning her? You’ve been married 25 years to the same woman. By now you should know all about her.” In some ways, yes, but in just the last year, I’ve found a treasure trove of little things about her, when I began to really study her. And it makes me want to learn more.

 

This is a work in progress. I do not claim to have arrived. Sometimes I lapse into my passivity because I don’t like confrontations. I handle them better these days, but I still don’t like them. The knowledge that my wife needs me, depends upon me, and is devoted to me, is what fuels the desire for me to keep going forward.